If I can turn back time...

Semalam…while I was doing my work, as usual we were talking bout this and that. Well, rumah ni tak pernah sunyi dari gelak tawa riuh rendah telatah 'gadis sri cempaka'. Thanks teman ira buat keje semalam sampai pukul 3 pagi. Walaupun lepas semua dah masuk tidur for sure ira pun tumbang jugak. Haha…

Macam-macam soalan yang keluar semalam. Unexpected question pulak tu. And one of it is… 

“If you can turn back time, what will you change in your university’s life?”

Hmmm…quite difficult to answer this. I do have the answer. In a blink of eyes it pop out in my mind once I heard the question. But I don’t wanna said that. I tried to think bout something else but I failed. So I just passed! Haha… macam main truth or dare pulak.

My answer if I can turn back time...

I would choose to not knowing you

I would choose to not getting close to you

I would choose to not letting you entered my life

I would choose to not replying your chat friendly that night

Yeah…if only I can turn back time. If you read this, ira tahu awak akan cakap...

“Please move on. Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Setiap yang berlaku adalah takdirnya. Setiap pertemuan bukanlah sebuah kebetulan tapi adalah sebuah perjalanan yang telah diaturkan oleh Allah. Dari sekecil-kecil perkara yang berlaku dalam hidup kita sehinggalah ke sebesar-besarnya semua dalam perancangan Allah.” 

Kinda like this right? Haha...macam la ira tak kenal awak. Are you still reading my blog? I'm not sure. I don't know when was my last time looking at your tumblr, your insta, your facebook. I stop searching for them, I stop looking at them. Maybe one fine day I'll look it up again...when I have the courage to do so, when I have put aside all the anger, the disappointed, the hurt, and what so ever unnecessary feeling. Susah jugak sebenarnya nak berhenti buat semua tu coz sometimes I was eagerly wanna know what did you post, what did you think, what did you feel. huhhhh....

Ira tak move on ke? Ira still at the same page of my life? Keep rereading the same chapter? Am I too negative for you? Did you think of me like that?

Syahirah…you are fine, thank you! Haha…yes I am fine with what happened. Much better now at least. Cuma kadang-kadang ada benda yang keep bothering me. I think it’s normal. For me yah…but maybe not for you. Not normal didn’t make me turn to an alien right? I’m still a human in your eyes right? Thank you for considering me as a person. *take a bow (your favourite line).

Bila hari nie pun the same question keep bothering me…ahhhh I was wrong I think. Sebenarnya ira nak apa nie? Nak salahkan takdir ke? Nak biarkan diri tertinggal tenggelam dalam memori ke? Apa yang susah sangat nak lupa semua yang dah jadi? Hmmm…I don’t have the answer. But you know what dear…when I keep thinking about it, there’s one more answer came to my mind.

“If I can turn back time…I will never let you get close to my sisterssss.” 

Okeyh! Yes I know! Statement ni nampak sangat Ira pentingkan diri due to my jealousy. Why it seems like you’re closer to them more than me??! It’s not fair huh. Tapi bila difikirkan balik ira sendiri yang menjauh. Feeling insecure? Entah…I don’t have the answer too.

You! Biarlah apa yang awak nak fikir tentang ira, pada setiap post ira, pada setiap tulisan ira. Ira meluahkan apa yang ira rasa yang pada hemat ira if I don’t let it out ira yang akan tingtong. If you know what I mean…I just have my writing right now. I don’t have anyone to tell about what I feel, what burdening me. I have no one like I used to have you. Maybe when you read this, you’ll eagerly wanna text me with your advice *berangan jap. Haha…* but I know you won’t do that. Well…ira pun takkan terima nasihat awak due to my ego. Haha…teruk nau ego seorang gadis bernama syahirah nie.

If I can turn back time…I don’t wanna think about any answer anymore. It is just for fun. A question asked by my housemate as a topic of our conversation, pillow talk last night.

Syahirah Shofe,

11.58 pm

23/10/2016